Sometimes people don’t mean what they say or they are only joking, but I haven’t taken some comments that way. I’m surprised I still think about a few comments…Maybe these sound meaningless but at that time they struck me.
You overshare and complain too much.
I remember this clearly. It was from a guy I really liked at that time, I was 15 I think, and we were texting each other. I can’t remember exactly what the question was, but we were saying best things about each other, leading to “well what is one thing you hate/would change”. He told me I overshare and complain too much. It hurt me because this “oversharing and complaining” was related to real struggles that I was facing. It took many years to share anything to anyone I liked after that. The next time I shared my life with someone was with my current boyfriend. I liked him almost instantly and he is an amazing listener. Hence, I “overshared and complained” about my life. I did this because I felt like if he thinks I’m annoying, he will back out before I like him more (he didn’t).
Are you sure you should eat that?
This is what my brother told me when I was 13, I believe. It was a harmless comment, but it changed everything for me. I remember this was about donuts we had in the kitchen. I was about to take one after lunch and he said, “are you sure you should eat that?”. I dropped it there and walked back to my room. That was the moment I started avoiding treats; I was afraid to hear similar comments (sadly I still am).
Look, your stomach moves.
In this situation I was 15 enjoying a family trip in Turkey. We were coming back from a day trip through mountains. I was sitting on the backseat with my brothers. We were wearing swimwear and my brother mentioned my stomach was moving because the road was bumpy. They laughed about it and poked my stomach. I was so ashamed of my body in that moment. They probably made fun of their own bodies doing the same thing but I was too busy focusing on their comment about my body. I know they didn’t say it to make fun of me, but it felt like it.
Dealing with comments
Now these sound meaningless but when I heard them it affected me more than I expected. It might sound like I’m blaming these people for my own actions, which is not true at all! I know the people I mentioned would never want to make me feel bad about myself. It was more about how I handled such comments. Maybe listing them helps me to let go off the situations. Nonetheless, I want to end this with the best comment I have ever heard; “Thank you for waiting till 21”, on my birthday from a special person who well knows my past.