It’s easy to stay committed and positive about any weight gain plan until your body starts to do exactly that. I found it easier to increase my food intake and calories when I was still in my body that I was used to for many years. It was still alright when I started looking healthier and more fit. Now that my legs look bigger (which is better than before!), I’m having such hard time reversing my thoughts. Sometimes I panic and my thoughts are instantly telling me to maybe eat less or avoid snacks.
I do feel great right now. I’m stronger, less tired, can focus for longer periods and I’m more relaxed when eating around others. But sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I’m having hard time accepting these new (good) changes. Last time I got to this point it was downhill from there. I felt so uncomfortable in my new (improved) body that I lost more weight than I gained. Consequences were the worst I have experienced. It was a moment for me to “wake up” and now I’m trying my best to stay awake. It hasn’t been easy – and it still isn’t. Small things have helped me whenever I have felt bad about my current body. The best practice has been acceptance. I’m talking about accepting my thoughts and knowing they will pass, and thoughts can be changed. It really comes down to actions I take from my thoughts.
Writing this has been triggering, it always is when I’m thinking about how I looked like before and where I’m now. To keep myself on the right track I have inserted positive reality checks after any part that refers to lower weight or parts that could make me think my current weight is wrong. It isn’t! This is the best I have been 🙂