It has been awhile. Last year I was worried about living alone again after what I experienced in 2021. I wondered if I can trust myself and stay healthy. So, am I doing better or am I only telling myself that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have eaten more regularly, that’s true. Eating regularly, however, does not mean eating enough. That’s also true. The improvement is that I do have snacks during the day and I have focused on having more protein. I have also had fun cooking. I used to hate that but I have learnt to make simple recipes and recipes my mom used to make. I have also stepped away from all “light” version foods. I used to buy these all the time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have worked on my relationship with working out and the stress I would get from skipping a workout. I’m more flexible now, but would not want to skip a workout.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fear of gaining weight, restrictive behaviours, lying to myself, old habits. Overall, my weight is the same, I’m not getting my periods and I’m low on energy. I might eat more for two weeks and poorly for the next two weeks – and that’s on repeat. I feel like that’s the main reason I’m not making progress. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Getting my menstrual cycle back is the priority for many reasons. I have weakened bones, hormones that aren’t working, and I can’t make progress at the gym. Yet, that doesn’t seem to consistently translate to my actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked back at my writings and weight tracking and I have to admit, late 2021 till early 2022 was the worst I have ever been and I have not recovered from that. Whatever happened during that time, changed a lot of things for me. I had too much control and lost too much weight. For the first time I reached a weight that was my “goal weight” for years – the last time I weighed that little was when I was a child. That changed the way I saw my weight because I felt accomplished. I still ate but I ate so little and exercised hard that I eventually lost everything; my weight, muscles, hair, menstrual cycle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I dug a deep hole for myself, and getting up is harder than I ever imagined.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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